someone explain this 'meshmetha' crap to me...

ultoMa

New member
this sounds extremely backwards and retarded.  If anyone knows what this crap is all about, please respond.  The only thing i got out of it was that for you to actually date another assyrian (without the lying and sneaking around) you have to get engaged to them.  It's not like an official engagement, but ppl know that you guys are hooked up and are expected to marry.  Is that fairly accurate?  Anywho, i just had a discussion about this and as i was listening to it I felt stupider with each passing word.

Also, i was thinking about it.  If I wanted to hook up with an assyrian girl the traditional way, i'd have to sneak around for a while...lie about the whole thing for months, if not years...and when i'm finally satisfied that she 'might be the one', then i do this meshmetha thing?  I think i'm gonna go with the nikhrayeh on this one...
 
I think very few people still do this nowadays (though I had to -- go figure  :bangin:)

Basically, the groom's family doesn't want to take the bride's family by surprise by just coming over for taliboota straight away when supposedly the girl's parents have had no clue that their little angel has been running around for the past year with some guy  :shades: So the guy's dad calls up the girl's dad to come for "mashmetha" ("the hearing" which makes sense as this would be the first time the girl's family are hearing that their daughter is a tramp.)  Anyhoo, they basically go over and inform the parents that their son likes their daughter, and he has good intentions and is from a good family, blah, blah, blah.  It's basically the first step towards the engagement.
 
No , don't go after a nikhreta!  This thing you speak of, I have never heard of it.  It sounds stupid mate.  We aren't Spartans, who could only have sex with girls in the dark and in secret (I kid you not)...
 
baklawa said:
I think very few people still do this nowadays (though I had to -- go figure  :bangin:)

Basically, the groom's family doesn't want to take the bride's family by surprise by just coming over for taliboota straight away when supposedly the girl's parents have had no clue that their little angel has been running around for the past year with some guy  :shades: So the guy's dad calls up the girl's dad to come for "mashmetha" ("the hearing" which makes sense as this would be the first time the girl's family are hearing that their daughter is a tramp.)  Anyhoo, they basically go over and inform the parents that their son likes their daughter, and he has good intentions and is from a good family, blah, blah, blah.  It's basically the first step towards the engagement.

see, that's exactly what i said when i was having a discussion about it with someone.  You basically have to lie and BS your parents until you're certain that you're serious with the other person?  Good God, it's 2008, we are seriously hurting.  So, if it took me a year or 2 or even more to get serious, would I have to BS them for that long?  The other problem i see with it is that the old generation does not want you to lie and cheat them, yet this is the only way they expect you to find someone.  Kind of a catch 22 isn't it and extremely hypocritical isn't it?

Anyways, i told my parents not to expect grandchildren after hearing about this stupidness.  I'm moving somewhere where i don't need permission to date someone....I think they call it 'the rest of the modern world'. 
 
Herro You said:
No , don't go after a nikhreta!  This thing you speak of, I have never heard of it.  It sounds stupid mate.  We aren't Spartans, who could only have sex with girls in the dark and in secret (I kid you not)...

u lost me at sex LMAOOOOO
 
ultoMa said:
see, that's exactly what i said when i was having a discussion about it with someone.  You basically have to lie and BS your parents until you're certain that you're serious with the other person?  Good God, it's 2008, we are seriously hurting.  So, if it took me a year or 2 or even more to get serious, would I have to BS them for that long?  The other problem i see with it is that the old generation does not want you to lie and cheat them, yet this is the only way they expect you to find someone.  Kind of a catch 22 isn't it and extremely hypocritical isn't it?

Anyways, i told my parents not to expect grandchildren after hearing about this stupidness.  I'm moving somewhere where i don't need permission to date someone....I think they call it 'the rest of the modern world'. 

why would u bullshit them, you can telll them the truth, my husband and i dated for 3 years and then we got married, my whole family knew about it and so did his.

then when it was time he asked me to marry him, but of course his family came to my house for mashmetha and asked my parents :)

 
ultoMa said:
see, that's exactly what i said when i was having a discussion about it with someone.  You basically have to lie and BS your parents until you're certain that you're serious with the other person?  Good God, it's 2008, we are seriously hurting.  So, if it took me a year or 2 or even more to get serious, would I have to BS them for that long?  The other problem i see with it is that the old generation does not want you to lie and cheat them, yet this is the only way they expect you to find someone.  Kind of a catch 22 isn't it and extremely hypocritical isn't it?

Anyways, i told my parents not to expect grandchildren after hearing about this stupidness.  I'm moving somewhere where i don't need permission to date someone....I think they call it 'the rest of the modern world'. 

We kept our relationship a secret for a year until we got caught, and my life was miserable after that.  They jumped all over me for lying, but as soon as they found out I was seeing someone I was forbidden to leave the house, and when I did I was literally timed.  We were planning on marrying anyway, but ended up doing it much earlier than we wanted simply because their attitude was so 5th century (I could go out during the day, but not at night, as if nothing "bad" happens during the day, only at night -- and I was 21! :bangin:)  

Yeah, it's stupid but not worth marrying a nikhreta for  :mrgreen: She'd the be the one doing the lying anyway, so what's the worry?  This is assuming she would even have those kinds of parents; fortunatley most of them are a lot more tolerant now.
 
It's an outdated concept, I wouldn't worry too much about it.  Now go find a nice Assyrian girl to bring you many healthy boys and cook you nice booshala.
 
baklawa said:
We kept our relationship a secret for a year until we got caught, and my life was miserable after that.  They jumped all over me for lying, but as soon as they found out I was seeing someone I was forbidden to leave the house, and when I did I was literally timed.  We were planning on marrying anyway, but ended up doing it much earlier than we wanted simply because their attitude was so 5th century (I could go out during the day, but not at night, as if nothing "bad" happens during the day, only at night -- and I was 21! :bangin:)  

Yeah, it's stupid but not worth marrying a nikhreta for  :mrgreen: She'd the be the one doing the lying anyway, so what's the worry?  This is assuming she would even have those kinds of parents; fortunatley most of them are a lot more tolerant now.

i agree. nowadays parents are not like our grandparents LMAOOO.

is 2008 im sure the girl u wanna go out with has open minded parents. when my tlebe and i started talking about getting married he called my mom and told her that was are mashmeta then i went there and got engaged.

but u dont need to do all that. and please dont marry a nekhreta we have a lot of good looking girls......and u would have more incommen things with them.
 
the marrirage service is in two parts: betrothal and the blessing in the church. when the young couple are in love or when the parents have made a match, first the parents of the bridegroom will send to the brides houses, on such and such day we will come for the betrothal. then the bridegroom invites his sponsors and the house of the bride does likewise. all will meet in the brides house, the priest of the village. first the priest will send the bridegrooms ring to the bride by two matrons (two girls) and they will say this ring is from so and so, son of so and so, he asks you to be his wife. if you are willing , show it by putting this ring on your finger, if you are not, give the ring back to us. she will not speak but will place the ring on her finger and they they take back to the gues that she is willing. neither the bride nor the groom will be present with the guests, but the parents or failing them the nearest relations, will represent them.

then the priest will bein with our father and som short prayers, then he will make both represenatatives hold each others hand, then the priest will ask: do you, n..., of your free will, ask for n. to be the wife of your son? answear yes. yes, of my own free will. then he puts the same question to the father of the bride. after the prayers of betrothal are concluded, according to synodical law, a discussion take place about the dowry and about the grooms gift, this is finished by a later signed by all present. now for the blessing in the church, which may be weeks or months later. the sponsors and the friends of the bridegroom go with him to church, in like manner the brides sponsor and some girls who are called the sisters of the bridegroom accompany the bride to church with music, singing and dancing. the rest stay outside and the bridal groom pair with their sponsors enter the church and the bride and groom stand facing the sanctuary with their respective sponsors, on man and one woman. they wear, as said above, thier baptismal crowns. the priest begins the service, as usual by our father. at certain times during the prayers the bride and bridegroom hold each others hand. blessing are read over the head of the bride others hand. blessings are read over the head of the bride and groom separately, such as, may they be blessed as abraham and sarah, etc..., to great length. the book is supported by the bent heads of each alternately. after that the bride and groom will drink, from the same cup, wine which has been blessed. their sponsors do the same and they put on rings which have been dropped in the wine. after that again they go in procession with singing and dancing to the bridegrooms house where from the window or from the roof as they come near raisins are thrown at them. they will go into the room which has been prepared beforehand by the blessing of the priest; it is called baith gnuna, the bridal chamber. the neighbours will bring food during the three days that the feast lasts, and whatever the bridal pair ask during these three days will be granted. after a month the monther of the bride will come and invite both to her house, where they will stay for a week or a fortnight and then return.
another custom: the second sunday of lent is called the sunday of the daughts (old english  mothering sunday) and on it every mother will invite her daughter and will give her presents. the third day of sund is the sunday of the sponsors and then all invite thier sponsors to visit their houses, or else go and pay visit at the sponsors house.

in the plains the rites and customs of marriage differ somewhat from those in the mountains. here there are many customs which go back in their origin to days when  the bride was captured by force from her family, thus the father of the bridegroom has to go with a horse and the young men of his house to fetch the bride from the  house of her father, and when he arrives he may not enter the building, but stands without till she is brought. the ring which he sends is handed to an old woman, who then has to go and find the bride. the maiden must always feign great reluctanceand hide herself, usually in a cornerloft or some such place, till the old woman can find her, and show her the ring, and ask whether  she will accept it. even tthen she must show unwillingness and answear in some such forms as well, my father and my mother wish it and so do all my brothers so what can a poor girl do? then she is led forth and put on the horse and the fathe of the bridegroom must dance to show his joy and so take her away. all the young men fire their guns and often will snatch up chickens and the like that have been left about for them, and carry them off as the spoil that they have capture with the bride.

when they arrive at the village where is the girls new home, the bridegroom stands on the roof of the house, and throws down pmegrantes upon her as she passes this being most likely a symbol of fruitfulnes and then she is led into the house, and the religious ceremony commences. here too they drink of the same cup, often with a small cross floating on it as a symbol and are crowned.


spam  :giggle:
 
baklawa said:
We kept our relationship a secret for a year until we got caught, and my life was miserable after that.  They jumped all over me for lying, but as soon as they found out I was seeing someone I was forbidden to leave the house, and when I did I was literally timed.  We were planning on marrying anyway, but ended up doing it much earlier than we wanted simply because their attitude was so 5th century (I could go out during the day, but not at night, as if nothing "bad" happens during the day, only at night -- and I was 21! :bangin:) 

Yeah, it's stupid but not worth marrying a nikhreta for  :mrgreen: She'd the be the one doing the lying anyway, so what's the worry?  This is assuming she would even have those kinds of parents; fortunatley most of them are a lot more tolerant now.

i'm not worried about myself...i just think it's retarded and can't believe that it exists.  Honestly, the stupidity is too much...you're not supposed to 'date' without permission but you're magically supposed to be married at 25.  Makes so much sense why so many assyrian parents hate each other haha.  All those  rushed or arranged marriages did more harm than good  :mrgreen:
 
Here's the irony in my situation; my own parents didn't go through any of this.  They actually "dated" for several years before they married.  And when it came time for the engagement, my uncle (my mother's brother and a friend of my dad's) was the one who broke the news to my grandfather, saying my dad liked my mom and they wanted to get engaged.  My grandfather responded with, "qamoo baqoorit minee, hola qoosarta booshilta" (why are you asking me, the pot is already cooked.)  Yet here I was, born and raised in the states, having to go through all the ancient rituals that they themselves ignored  :ranting:
 
That's the most adorable thing about the whole relationship you do the "meshmeta" to announce that the person is "going to be" yours. You let the whole nation know she's taken! My brother did this, I loved the idea!


:clap:
 
Mashmeta is just for both family to meet up and know each other, and guy's parents will ask the girl's father for her hand, so sometimes the answer would be NO, so if their answer would be "yes" they will give her a gold cross as a gift, that means she is reserved lol
 
Lovemoon
If the parents wants to really torture the man, they girls parents make him wait three days at least to get an answer.  My brother waited for the answer and I guess this is very old fashion way still being practiced. What a drama some think, but I though it was so traditional and C U T E! to make him wait!
ha ha
:giggle:

 
Lovemoon said:
Mashmeta is just for both family to meet up and know each other, and guy's parents will ask the girl's father for her hand, so sometimes the answer would be NO, so if their answer would be "yes" they will give her a gold cross as a gift, that means she is reserved lol

do you know how many girls my uncle "reserved" for my cousin?/ at least 10 that i can think of. i remember being really young and people would try to give my dad lamb(or whatever else they had) as an offering to keep me for their son and my dad would always say NO.

mashmeta: it's an old tradition that i think is retarded.
 
DuDu said:
That's the most adorable thing about the whole relationship you do the "meshmeta" to announce that the person is "going to be" yours. You let the whole nation know she's taken! My brother did this, I loved the idea!


:clap:

wow 3 days hahah poor brother,


my uncle went to ask this girls hand and he went to sweden back home, and then the family said we will get back to u in 2 days but they got back to him the same day lol.

 
I actually didnt even know what it was until tutu had hers :giggle:

Thank God im not doing that!  Mind you, Jay will ask my parents for my hand.. but we're not gonna have a little hoopla with both families
 
ultoma love... RUN NOW RUN BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE RUN!
mashmeta is just an excuse for the girl's family to nag on the head of hte guy (and his family) and get as much as possible out of them!

the part you didn't hear yet, the mashmeta is not only to get to know the family but:
-if it's the first holiday the groom must go with his family to the girls house bringing a gift.
no going out alone or in the dark.
more gifts for the bride to be
if the bride does have little brothers and sister you should also bring them gifts or you are a greedy bastard and don't love her family as much as you love her.



second version of this whole part: the girl isn't an angel and her family knows about it.
you and the girl go out "on a secret date" you both will get caught but you too young to get married so you do a mashmeta(a trap) they nag on your head till you hate your life and you can't dump her because you are offecially with her and have ruined her reputaion because everybody knows she had " a guy "
so you end up getting married at the of 20.



:bigarmhug:
 
I dont know why but i read it as Mishmishta and I was like  :blink: ( i'm dyslexic (sp))

Its an outdated concept. I dont like it at all. I like you dont like lying and sneaking around. I will not have it either because my boyfriend ( the man that i wish to spend the rest of my life with- would have met my family before hand and I his).
 
You need to concider when this tradition was created before you judge it. At the time, a girl had no say in who she got married to so ofcourse the family had to be notified and given the opportunity to say yes or no.

These days its just maintained for tradition's sake. Usually the families of the 2 people who have been dating are aware of it, even if the families haven't met or the guy hasn't been over the girls place and vise versa. The mashmehta becomes a formaility of sorts, in other words people only do it for tradition's sake. If the guy and girl want to get married, they do a mashmehta before the engagement and the families don't say no....

Unless you date a girl with a hardcore family staright out of the 1920's..It's the price you pay for a wife that will cook and clean and see it as her job so enjoy  :mrgreen:.
 
Renee said:
You need to concider when this tradition was created before you judge it. At the time, a girl had no say in who she got married to so ofcourse the family had to be notified and given the opportunity to say yes or no.

These days its just maintained for tradition's sake. Usually the families of the 2 people who have been dating are aware of it, even if the families haven't met or the guy hasn't been over the girls place and vise versa. The mashmehta becomes a formaility of sorts, in other words people only do it for tradition's sake. If the guy and girl want to get married, they do a mashmehta before the engagement and the families don't say no....

Unless you date a girl with a hardcore family staright out of the 1920's..It's the price you pay for a wife that will cook and clean and see it as her job so enjoy  :mrgreen:.

Just like the tradition of marriage?  They should revise that too.
 
Yeah it's more of a formality nowadays. Its insurance against them saying, "wireh b'kaweh lah b'tara" (he came through the window and not the door).  Basically, you're giving her old man a head's up that at some point in the future you're going to be boning his daughter.
 
Hookah said:
Yeah it's more of a formality nowadays. Its insurance against them saying, "wireh b'kaweh lah b'tara" (he came through the window and not the door).  Basically, you're giving her old man a head's up that at some point in the future you're going to be boning his daughter.


Ahhh the ever romantic Hookah.
 
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