Author Topic: Assyrian funeral etiquette  (Read 1452 times)

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Offline shlamalokhoon

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Assyrian funeral etiquette
« on: September 17, 2008, 02:11:02 AM »
Recently my partners Grandmother passed away, and he invited me to her funeral...Ive never been to an funeral, so i wanted to know whats the etiquette for someone who is not related to the person whos past away. I had met his grandmother before she died and she was a beautiful lady, ive met all of his family, but were not close......

I wanted to buy her flowers (the cross shaped bouquet for funerals) i wasnt sure if this is too much, or what to do with them or who to give them to...

where do i sit if i dont know anybody there?

I cried alot when i found out, because she reminded me of my grandmother..so will people think im crazy if i start crying and im not related to her?

What else is there to an Assyrian funeral? What else am i required to do...


Any help would be greatly appreciated



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Offline BooQta

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Re: Assyrian funeral etiquette
« Reply #1 on: September 17, 2008, 02:23:48 AM »
Since its a family member (partners grandmother) wearing black would be a good idea.

Dont wear make up this is a sad day for all the family members...

People will not think ur crazy if u cry, i think otherwise they will only think that u have a heart and can understand their pain. Its normal to cry at funerals sometimes u dont cry for the person that has died but u remember the loved ones U have lost.

To any one that was related to the grandmother u simply say *reshokh basema* (male) *reshakh basema* (female) *reshokhoon basema* (plural)

It depends if this is the 3rd day or the first day. If its the first then u are required to take a plate with you, if your not able to do so then just go to supermarket buy a bag of Sugar (1kg or so) box of tea bags and a bag of coffee.

If its the 3rd day i understand the family of the deceased arrange the catering.



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Offline TreasurE_GirL

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Re: Assyrian funeral etiquette
« Reply #2 on: September 17, 2008, 02:27:32 AM »
Ok, well I am not so sure about this. As I have not attended a funeral before. But it is generally simple, you don't have to be related to cry over somebody who recently passed away. Those emotions are exerted within/from our inner soft sides.

Flowers is possible, just place them near the tomb/coffin/chamber. Some prayers and you're all set. May she R.I.P.
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Re: Assyrian funeral etiquette
« Reply #2 on: September 17, 2008, 02:27:32 AM »

Offline SweeTy

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Re: Assyrian funeral etiquette
« Reply #3 on: September 17, 2008, 02:48:58 AM »
Since its a family member (partners grandmother) wearing black would be a good idea.

Dont wear make up this is a sad day for all the family members...

People will not think ur crazy if u cry, i think otherwise they will only think that u have a heart and can understand their pain. Its normal to cry at funerals sometimes u dont cry for the person that has died but u remember the loved ones U have lost.

To any one that was related to the grandmother u simply say *reshokh basema* (male) *reshakh basema* (female) *reshokhoon basema* (plural)

It depends if this is the 3rd day or the first day. If its the first then u are required to take a plate with you, if your not able to do so then just go to supermarket buy a bag of Sugar (1kg or so) box of tea bags and a bag of coffee.

If its the 3rd day i understand the family of the deceased arrange the catering.










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..

Offline Noon

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Re: Assyrian funeral etiquette
« Reply #4 on: September 17, 2008, 02:49:42 AM »
alah manikhla

Since its a family member (partners grandmother) wearing black would be a good idea.

Dont wear make up this is a sad day for all the family members...

People will not think ur crazy if u cry, i think otherwise they will only think that u have a heart and can understand their pain. Its normal to cry at funerals sometimes u dont cry for the person that has died but u remember the loved ones U have lost.

To any one that was related to the grandmother u simply say *reshokh basema* (male) *reshakh basema* (female) *reshokhoon basema* (plural)

It depends if this is the 3rd day or the first day. If its the first then u are required to take a plate with you, if your not able to do so then just go to supermarket buy a bag of Sugar (1kg or so) box of tea bags and a bag of coffee.

If its the 3rd day i understand the family of the deceased arrange the catering.

what she daid :) 


also, i think the flower cross may be a bit much but u should prolly check with your boyfriend.  I'd say a bouquet of callas would be lovely or any other white flowers.  the only thing is depending on the church you attend, the women are not always allowed to attend the burial so im not sure where you will be able to place the flowers.  check to see if you can sit with your boyfriend...im sure he will appreciate your support.

Offline Renee

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Re: Assyrian funeral etiquette
« Reply #5 on: September 17, 2008, 07:01:02 AM »
Allaha manyikhla (God rest her - meaning God rest her soul).

I think the girls covered all you'd need to know. Taking a plate of food to the wake would be plenty for you to do, or as booqta mentioned, sugar, tea bags and rice can be taken (as many people will attend to pay their respects and they drink tea and eat).

You will also need a cloth to place over your head when you enter the Church. Try to wear a skirt/dress that is at least up to your knee.

The most important thing to remember is not to be afraid to grieve

Offline Salem

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Re: Assyrian funeral etiquette
« Reply #6 on: September 17, 2008, 09:26:37 AM »
Dark coloured clothing is the norm, black is not really an Assyrian tradition (more a Muslim one that we've assorted adopted), but dark blue or brown is normal.

When you go in, you need to shake the daughter's hands and the close female relatives and say (a lot of variations here):

Alaha manyikhla, go nawra w pirdesa
Reshakh haweh basima w alaha manyikhla
etc

When you leave, the same thing needs to be done, shake their hands and say one of these lines.

Taking cooked food or food items is good if you can, but not a must. Otherwise you can help service the ladies by bringing them tea/water.

At the cemetery, you can take flowers or get them sent there directly.

Hope this helps.


Offline SweeTy

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Re: Assyrian funeral etiquette
« Reply #7 on: September 17, 2008, 09:32:06 AM »
Dark coloured clothing is the norm, black is not really an Assyrian tradition (more a Muslim one that we've assorted adopted), but dark blue or brown is normal.

When you go in, you need to shake the daughter's hands and the close female relatives and say (a lot of variations here):

Alaha manyikhla, go nawra w pirdesa
Reshakh haweh basima w alaha manyikhla
etc

When you leave, the same thing needs to be done, shake their hands and say one of these lines.

Taking cooked food or food items is good if you can, but not a must. Otherwise you can help service the ladies by bringing them tea/water.

At the cemetery, you can take flowers or get them sent there directly.

Hope this helps.





i've never seen that happen its always been helping the ladies wash dishes and prepare tea.


..

Offline Ashuriena

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Re: Assyrian funeral etiquette
« Reply #8 on: September 17, 2008, 09:40:10 AM »
Since its a family member (partners grandmother) wearing black would be a good idea.

Dont wear make up this is a sad day for all the family members...

People will not think ur crazy if u cry, i think otherwise they will only think that u have a heart and can understand their pain. Its normal to cry at funerals sometimes u dont cry for the person that has died but u remember the loved ones U have lost.

To any one that was related to the grandmother u simply say *reshokh basema* (male) *reshakh basema* (female) *reshokhoon basema* (plural)

It depends if this is the 3rd day or the first day. If its the first then u are required to take a plate with you, if your not able to do so then just go to supermarket buy a bag of Sugar (1kg or so) box of tea bags and a bag of coffee.

If its the 3rd day i understand the family of the deceased arrange the catering.


I have never heard of this.

I know it's disrespectful to refuse food after the funeral or something like that.
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Offline GGBW

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Re: Assyrian funeral etiquette
« Reply #9 on: September 17, 2008, 09:52:29 AM »
Dark coloured clothing is the norm, black is not really an Assyrian tradition (more a Muslim one that we've assorted adopted), but dark blue or brown is normal.

When you go in, you need to shake the daughter's hands and the close female relatives and say (a lot of variations here):

Alaha manyikhla, go nawra w pirdesa
Reshakh haweh basima w alaha manyikhla
etc

When you leave, the same thing needs to be done, shake their hands and say one of these lines.

Taking cooked food or food items is good if you can, but not a must. Otherwise you can help service the ladies by bringing them tea/water.

At the cemetery, you can take flowers or get them sent there directly.

Hope this helps.



Is there anything we say that isn't religious?  I've always wondered.

Offline Salem

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Re: Assyrian funeral etiquette
« Reply #10 on: September 17, 2008, 09:55:35 AM »
Is there anything we say that isn't religious?  I've always wondered.

I usually say "reshokh haweh bassima".

You can also say "yawil khayeh qa marawateh".


Offline GGBW

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Re: Assyrian funeral etiquette
« Reply #11 on: September 17, 2008, 09:58:58 AM »
I usually say "reshokh haweh bassima".

You can also say "yawil khayeh qa marawateh".



Hmmm..how are these not religious?

Offline Salem

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Re: Assyrian funeral etiquette
« Reply #12 on: September 17, 2008, 10:03:33 AM »
Hmmm..how are these not religious?

LOL, you wishing the family a long life, no religion involved.

As for the "resha bassima", I'm not 100% on the meaning but the lack of any saints/gods in it made me think it wasn't religious.


Offline GGBW

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Re: Assyrian funeral etiquette
« Reply #13 on: September 17, 2008, 10:06:28 AM »
"yawil khayeh qa marawateh"

Manee b'yawil khayeh?

Offline Barwarneta

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Re: Assyrian funeral etiquette
« Reply #14 on: September 17, 2008, 10:10:15 AM »
Alaha manyikhla



and great topic, sap i didnt know what we had to say to them till now

Offline Salem

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Re: Assyrian funeral etiquette
« Reply #15 on: September 17, 2008, 10:17:06 AM »
"yawil khayeh qa marawateh"

Manee b'yawil khayeh?

:devilboogie:

You can always say something like:

"Raba pshimten", and then you're stuck, long awkward moment, and then "poshon pshena".


Offline Barwarneta

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Re: Assyrian funeral etiquette
« Reply #16 on: September 17, 2008, 10:21:34 AM »
:devilboogie:

You can always say something like:

"Raba pshimten", and then you're stuck, long awkward moment, and then "poshon pshena".



LMAOOO

Offline GGBW

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Re: Assyrian funeral etiquette
« Reply #17 on: September 17, 2008, 10:22:45 AM »
:devilboogie:

You can always say something like:

"Raba pshimten", and then you're stuck, long awkward moment, and then "poshon pshena".



:loool:

I don't mind using the religious language, I am there to support them not make some sort of point.  I just genuinely wondered if we had anything not connected to religion to offer people in their time of grieving. I've thought about it in English too, and it's quite difficult...

Offline atourina

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Re: Assyrian funeral etiquette
« Reply #18 on: September 18, 2008, 10:27:39 AM »
so sad, may she RIP :rose:

i think everyone else already answered ur question for you..

this just reminds me of my friends dads funeral almost 2 years ago.. it was an assyrian funeral.. while they qasha was performing the service, in the waiting room across from where the service was going on, the qashas ignorant son (whos now divorced) was in there LAUGHING and having a good time with his friends (the mass was packed which is why they were in the waiting room), everyone could hear them laughing.  i was soo pissed off to the point where i was gonna tell them to shut the **** up, but i held it in cuz i was crying and trying to pay attention...

soo hopefully u wont run into any ignorant idiots at ur partners grandmothers funeral


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