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Offline il duce

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Relationship with an Assyrian
« on: June 14, 2010, 01:38:40 AM »
Hi everyone, I'm new here and very curious about Assyrians customs and culture (Chaldean). My primary reason is because I'm currently in a relationship with an Assyrian.

I'm a young man in his early 20's with an Italian background. Not long ago (couple of months) i met this beautiful Assyrian girl who i fell in love with. She equally feels the same way for me. I met her family and they like me a lot and its the same thing in regards to my family with her. However, things are worrying. One thing is notice is that among Assyrians, women have expectations to get married as soon as they reach adulthood and it generally involves a man asking for her hand. Males on the other hand can wait til later (mid to later 20's). One day i went to her house to pick her up for a small night out for a coffee, but was confronted by the parents. They informed me that the fact she is out with me could possibly make her look like a loose woman, if not a slut because in their culture they don't believe in girlfriends and boyfriends. I can see how they take it very seriously because when I'm out with her and a member of the Assyrian community spots her, he/she gives her a bad look. The parents told me, if people are together they should get married, simple as that. They suggested i should do some custom where it's like a 'declaration of a relationship' and it has family members who witness it. They suggested it because it would be good for the family and her reputation. Problem is that they claim its part of the road to marriage. I can see the potential, but I don't feel ready for such a massive commitment yet and this goes for any girl. I'm too young for this, I just started my career and i need time. Not only that, but my own family are very suspicious about the whole thing and don't want me to be heavily committed yet. They know little about Assyrian customs.

I registered in this forum to get a greater understanding about Assyrian culture so it can help me take the right course of action in my relationship. Please tell me how Assyrians view relationships.



Offline mrzurnaci

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Re: Relationship with an Assyrian
« Reply #1 on: June 14, 2010, 07:48:24 AM »
..... but was confronted by the parents. They informed me that the fact she is out with me could possibly make her look like a loose woman, if not a slut because in their culture they don't believe in girlfriends and boyfriends. I can see how they take it very seriously because when I'm out with her and a member of the Assyrian community spots her, he/she gives her a bad look.

I registered in this forum to get a greater understanding about Assyrian culture so it can help me take the right course of action in my relationship. Please tell me how Assyrians view relationships.

the reason for this is because most Assyrians are endogamous, aka we marry/date Assyrians; the reason why is because we have an endangered language and culture.

I view relationships as overrated, We Assyrians have our own system of Arranged marriage, where the "declaration of a relationship" is when the arranged couple "date" for a little while then Marry. Relationships of love are fine and whatnot, but the Western customs are too perverted and sexual that women don't plan on getting married at all.

Offline davidb

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Re: Relationship with an Assyrian
« Reply #2 on: June 14, 2010, 09:35:44 AM »
the reason for this is because most Assyrians are endogamous, aka we marry/date Assyrians; the reason why is because we have an endangered language and culture.

I view relationships as overrated, We Assyrians have our own system of Arranged marriage, where the "declaration of a relationship" is when the arranged couple "date" for a little while then Marry. Relationships of love are fine and whatnot, but the Western customs are too perverted and sexual that women don't plan on getting married at all.

lol..Do you still live in Hakkari?

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Re: Relationship with an Assyrian
« Reply #2 on: June 14, 2010, 09:35:44 AM »

Offline baklawa

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Re: Relationship with an Assyrian
« Reply #3 on: June 14, 2010, 11:58:42 AM »
Your girlfriend's family are backwards and idiotic.  If you truly love this girl, stay with her and get her away from them.  I don't know anyone who thinks this stupidly anymore.  You have to ask for her hand to get a freakin cup of coffee?!  Please.  

the reason for this is because most Assyrians are endogamous, aka we marry/date Assyrians; the reason why is because we have an endangered language and culture.

I view relationships as overrated, We Assyrians have our own system of Arranged marriage, where the "declaration of a relationship" is when the arranged couple "date" for a little while then Marry. Relationships of love are fine and whatnot, but the Western customs are too perverted and sexual that women don't plan on getting married at all.

Are you for real?  Women today simply don't want to settle, especially if their only options are some neanderthal who wants a maid he can screw on a regular basis.  
« Last Edit: June 14, 2010, 12:05:28 PM by baklawa »
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Offline the_dave

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Re: Relationship with an Assyrian
« Reply #4 on: June 14, 2010, 03:39:59 PM »
Be happy that she is assyrian, better women are hard to find...
Are you for real?  Women today simply don't want to settle, especially if their only options are some neanderthal who wants a maid he can screw on a regular basis.  
common baklawa not every girl today is like that, there are still at least 20% left that keep our traditions ahah :D but i agree with you that most of our assyrian men are DIICKHEADS with an arab brain only thinking of sex and no respect for our beautiful assyrian women... What has happened today, why even many assyrian women are becoming "loose" is because our assyrian guys that want to have 100 women and later want to marry a virgin...


Back to you, my assyrian woman loving friend
Today most men are stupid and are diickheads, especially the young men of us Assyrians that don’t respect our culture and history, they don’t care about anything and just go around and party and screw girls...

If this girl likes you and has let you in into her life, and even let you go so far that she wants to be with you, then I don see a problem with you guys... IF she wants you she can tell her parents that and if they are not stupid like old fashioned ("Arab")Assyrians that protect their women  and daughters and forget about their sons and what they do, then you should have no problems...

If a Assyrian girl just wants Assyrian men then she wont let anyone else from another nationality into her life. SO feel lucky my friend, you guys want to be together and that is something that nobody can change...
But if she is a traditional Assyrian that want to keep her culture and so, then you will have to commit, since she will probably do it, and forget about being together just for fun, and later maybe end up breaking up, a serious Assyrian woman wont do something like that...
And remember first marriage and then sex hahaha, sorry man but i had to tell you that, Assyrian people (cultural ones, and not the "Arab” influenced Assyrians) always want to wait until after marriage, even if it takes years sometimes...
« Last Edit: June 14, 2010, 03:46:00 PM by the_dave »
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Offline Zawoyo

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Re: Relationship with an Assyrian
« Reply #5 on: June 14, 2010, 04:07:04 PM »
hey hey hey, comon, not all of our men are like You describe it, so keep cool here, please.
I know I cannot speak for Assyrian men outside of Europe, and it seems to me too that most Assyrian men are bad to their wifes but it is not the absolutely majority. There are many Assyrian men who are good to their wifes.
And I see it is especially the younger generation of Assyrian men who are good to their wifes, regardless whether they care about their culture or not.
shlome
The Rights of Assyrians -UN Declaration
www.youtube.com/watch?v=WhDtB12aA8I

The existence of the Assyrian Nation & Nationality is a fact
http://www.assyrianvoice.net/forum/index.php?topic=36862.0

̈I´m not interested in helping our ppl because I´m nationalistic, I´m interested because our ppl NEED help!

Offline the_dave

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Re: Relationship with an Assyrian
« Reply #6 on: June 14, 2010, 04:30:47 PM »
hey hey hey, comon, not all of our men are like You describe it, so keep cool here, please.
I know I cannot speak for Assyrian men outside of Europe, and it seems to me too that most Assyrian men are bad to their wifes but it is not the absolutely majority. There are many Assyrian men who are good to their wifes.
And I see it is especially the younger generation of Assyrian men who are good to their wifes, regardless whether they care about their culture or not.
shlome
I am not saying all of them john :D i said most of them :D of course there are good ones, i bet many of us here on AVN are good :p but speaking of my experiance in sweden, many of them are bad, non caring and sometimes bad to women...
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Offline baklawa

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Re: Relationship with an Assyrian
« Reply #7 on: June 14, 2010, 04:41:15 PM »
I don't think the poster's question was about Assyrian men, but about dating customs.  He seems to be dating a girl whose family thinks she must be engaged to go out for a simple cup of coffee.  I know many girls (myself included) who come from very traditional families, but also reject this sort of primitive mentality.  If this girl agrees with her family that this guy needs to officially come ask for her hand before she continues to date him, then I'd be very concerned if I were this young man's parents.  Anyone that desperate to get married must have red flags flying everywhere.  People should get married because they share a deep love and bond, and are emotionally ready for such a committment, and mature enough to live independently.  Getting engaged so a bunch of FOBs won't say you're a slut is not a good reason.
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Offline AssyrianBookTa

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Re: Relationship with an Assyrian
« Reply #8 on: June 14, 2010, 04:49:19 PM »
Our culture has a lot of rules when it comes to dating/marriage etc. But as baklawa stayed it all depends on the family, the girl and the way she wants to do things.
A mashmeta: it's sort of a promise ring to her parents that you have pure intentions with this girl to date her and not just for messing around. It usually lasts years or months depending on if the relationship lasts. Lol

Engagement: self explanitory. Most times the man the girls father for her hand. Then either asks her on his own or in front of everyone.

Marriage: well when you get here. It's all on your own and should have already learned the culture by then.

And please ignore comments like mrzurnaci which are very old school.

A lot of assyrians marry outside of the culture and the family will eventually approve the person as opposed to the culture they are from. IMO however you are doing a great job learning and trying to in understand what to do.

Good luck.
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Offline Hanuni

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Re: Relationship with an Assyrian
« Reply #9 on: June 14, 2010, 04:52:22 PM »
This is a pretty unnecessary thread in my eyes. If you love the girl, date her and engage with her. If you do not, leave her and spare yourself the headache of a woman in love with the wrong man.
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Offline AssyrianBookTa

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Re: Relationship with an Assyrian
« Reply #10 on: June 14, 2010, 05:28:46 PM »
Il duce: you need to be more active in your topic its about to go crazy.

Hanuni: marriage isn't a joke. And proposing to her will do nothing if he is not ready for marriage. And love doesn't always equal a great long lasting relationship it requires more things.IMO
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Offline mrzurnaci

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Re: Relationship with an Assyrian
« Reply #11 on: June 14, 2010, 06:30:14 PM »
I don't think the poster's question was about Assyrian men, but about dating customs.  He seems to be dating a girl whose family thinks she must be engaged to go out for a simple cup of coffee.  I know many girls (myself included) who come from very traditional families, but also reject this sort of primitive mentality.  If this girl agrees with her family that this guy needs to officially come ask for her hand before she continues to date him, then I'd be very concerned if I were this young man's parents.  Anyone that desperate to get married must have red flags flying everywhere.  People should get married because they share a deep love and bond, and are emotionally ready for such a committment, and mature enough to live independently.  Getting engaged so a bunch of FOBs won't say you're a slut is not a good reason.
I wonder if you all know that the Assyrian system of arranged marriage is actually what's keeping the nation alive? people in arranged marriages develop love overtime just like a regular relationship, all relationships, whether arranged or built are all the same. And don't forget, if Assyrians don't marry Assyrians then we'll be extinct and the Kurds will be using our flags to wipe their counter-tops and asses, make diamonds out of our bodies by extracting our bodies supply of carbon. Also let's not forget our language, in the U.S. Assyrians lose their language by the 2nd generation of people living in U.S. and our language is already endangered..... will you guys think about your people and not your self?
« Last Edit: June 14, 2010, 06:40:30 PM by mrzurnaci »

Offline baklawa

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Re: Relationship with an Assyrian
« Reply #12 on: June 14, 2010, 06:41:56 PM »
I wonder if you all know that the Assyrian system of arranged marriage is actually what's keeping the nation alive? people in arranged marriages develop love overtime just like a regular relationship, all relationships, whether arranged or built are all the same. And don't forget, if Assyrians don't marry Assyrians then we'll be extinct and the Kurds will be using our flags to wipe their countertops and asses, make diamonds out of our bodies by extracting our bodies supply of carbon.

Um, no, that is a completely moronic statement.  What's keeping this nation alive are our people who remain on our lands back home despite continued harrassment and pressure to leave.  It is the schools that AAS builds that teach a curriculum that is 100% in our language.  It is a handful of people on the ground in the homeland that are fighting for our rights on a daily basis even though they and their families have had their lives threatened. 

Arranged marriages are only done by parents with more regard for what "nasheh" think than the general well-being of their children.  Of the many aunts that I have, only one had an arranged marriage and both she and her husband were miserable till the bitter end.  And of course they remained together until the end because with people of such a mentality, divorce is not an option.  Life is too short for such nonsense. 

I married the person I loved (who is also Assyrian.)  I did it despite the fact that I grew up in a traditional household where dating was not an option.  But as the saying goes, where there's a will, there's a way  :devil:  I realized early on in life that my parents views did not mesh with mine and I did what I had to do without (1) killing myself, or (2) killing them.  If this girl truly cares for this guy, she could have found a way to see him without putting him in such a predicament that he would have to proprose marriage.  That is unfair to this man and his family, and tells me that if this girl is not mature enough to assert herself to her parents, then she has no business getting married.
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Offline the_dave

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Re: Relationship with an Assyrian
« Reply #13 on: June 14, 2010, 06:45:35 PM »
That is unfair to this man and his family, and tells me that if this girl is not mature enough to assert herself to her parents, then she has no business getting married.
I agree with you there baklawa...
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Offline mrzurnaci

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Re: Relationship with an Assyrian
« Reply #14 on: June 14, 2010, 06:54:58 PM »
Arranged marriages are only done by parents with more regard for what "nasheh" think than the general well-being of their children.  Of the many aunts that I have, only one had an arranged marriage and both she and her husband were miserable till the bitter end.  And of course they remained together until the end because with people of such a mentality, divorce is not an option.  Life is too short for such nonsense.  
so only ONE aunt experienced misery, my parents are arranged marriage and they aren't miserable, how can I tell? they got 5 kids (including me) and they were about to have more. Like I said ALL RELATIONSHIPS ARE THE SAME. Not all of them will be good, and YES divorce IS an option, my uncle did to his arranged married wife.
« Last Edit: June 14, 2010, 06:58:37 PM by mrzurnaci »

Offline baklawa

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Re: Relationship with an Assyrian
« Reply #15 on: June 14, 2010, 07:15:48 PM »
so only ONE aunt experienced misery, my parents are arranged marriage and they aren't miserable, how can I tell? they got 5 kids (including me) and they were about to have more. Like I said ALL RELATIONSHIPS ARE THE SAME. Not all of them will be good, and YES divorce IS an option, my uncle did to his arranged married wife.

That I'm even having a conversation about arranged marriages in this day and age is mind-boggling.  Arranged marriages are sexist in nature; they are done to marry off the girl as soon as they can so they don't have to worry about her doing anything foolish like live her own life.   As to the guy....who cares?  As long as his family has money, it doesn't matter.  I've seen it a dozen times now with these guys who couldn't get a girl here, so they have their parents ship over a girl from a village in Khabour.  One prebuscent virgin please!

If you want an arranged marriage, more power to you.  I just bristle when parents like those of this girl subscribe to the mentality that a girl who goes out with a guy without being engaged is a slut.  We need to evolve from this ridiculously misogynist mentality.  It's that kind of thinking that puts women in hijabs.
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Offline the_dave

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Re: Relationship with an Assyrian
« Reply #16 on: June 14, 2010, 07:32:06 PM »
I just bristle when parents like those of this girl subscribe to the mentality that a girl who goes out with a guy without being engaged is a slut.  We need to evolve from this ridiculously misogynist mentality.  It's that kind of thinking that puts women in hijabs.
Yeah i am really tierd of that too, some Assyrians still live as if they where among muslims yet the ones who talk about others are the worst ones, they are the ones that do the worst things... It is damn hard today for an Assyrian guy who is serious to date a girl, becase of what people might say about her and because her parants might think that others will talk about her, they are damn stupid old farmers the people who think like this...
I hate the fact that we Assyrians have got so much of our mentality from muslims, of course our goal should be to preserve our culture and history by trying to marry Assyrian, but to have the same mentality, towards girls and how to meet with the opposite sex, as the muslims do, really pisses me off.
All this old thinking must go away...

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Offline Knight

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Re: Relationship with an Assyrian
« Reply #17 on: June 14, 2010, 07:42:36 PM »
Assessment is required to analyse our current status; our social and communal environment and our traditions.

Derived from the above, we can adapt to our extant environment with our traditions and sometimes backward nature.

Not all of the relationship do's and dont's in our culture are right, neither are the approaches of the environments we live in. We must assess our culture and our environment and find a reasonable approach to protect the two people in a relationship, while at the same time, providing them with enough trust and freedom to explore their love.
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Offline Zawoyo

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Re: Relationship with an Assyrian
« Reply #18 on: June 14, 2010, 07:42:59 PM »
Um, no, that is a completely moronic statement.  What's keeping this nation alive are our people who remain on our lands back home despite continued harrassment and pressure to leave.  It is the schools that AAS builds that teach a curriculum that is 100% in our language.  It is a handful of people on the ground in the homeland that are fighting for our rights on a daily basis even though they and their families have had their lives threatened.  ...

This is just 50% true. The diaspora-Assyrians are very important for the future of our people, too. Most of our people live in the diaspora and many of our people who live in Assyria want to flee in western states.
As far as I know if there would not be the Assyrians in the USA Zowaa would not exist. Or think about all the work of Assyrian Aid Society or Assyrians Without Borders, about ISDP and ACE, about Seyfo Center, about the Assyrian schools in the diaspora and so on.

True, arranged marriages are not so good. But we have to be aware that we speak here about arranged marriages under Assyrians, not Muslim arranged marriages.
In the arranged marriages under Assyrians the girl and boy can choose whether they want or not.
And mrzurnaci is right by saying "people in arranged marriages develop love overtime." This is possible, especially if the boy and the girl are still teenager. Every teenager develops him/herself during the years, like a flower. And during this time of developing there is the possibility that both "flowers" grow with each other into one another.
There are many couples who had such kind of developing during their marriage.
shlome
The Rights of Assyrians -UN Declaration
www.youtube.com/watch?v=WhDtB12aA8I

The existence of the Assyrian Nation & Nationality is a fact
http://www.assyrianvoice.net/forum/index.php?topic=36862.0

̈I´m not interested in helping our ppl because I´m nationalistic, I´m interested because our ppl NEED help!

Offline mrzurnaci

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Re: Relationship with an Assyrian
« Reply #19 on: June 14, 2010, 08:17:45 PM »
This is just 50% true. The diaspora-Assyrians are very important for the future of our people, too. Most of our people live in the diaspora and many of our people who live in Assyria want to flee in western states.
As far as I know if there would not be the Assyrians in the USA Zowaa would not exist. Or think about all the work of Assyrian Aid Society or Assyrians Without Borders, about ISDP and ACE, about Seyfo Center, about the Assyrian schools in the diaspora and so on.

True, arranged marriages are not so good. But we have to be aware that we speak here about arranged marriages under Assyrians, not Muslim arranged marriages.
In the arranged marriages under Assyrians the girl and boy can choose whether they want or not.
And mrzurnaci is right by saying "people in arranged marriages develop love overtime." This is possible, especially if the boy and the girl are still teenager. Every teenager develops him/herself during the years, like a flower. And during this time of developing there is the possibility that both "flowers" grow with each other into one another.
There are many couples who had such kind of developing during their marriage.
shlome

THANK YOU!
and don't forget, arranged marriages have been around BEFORE Islam, and don't forget that Muslims are very influential to Assyrians as they hold higher political power than us, but that will soon change >=D

Offline il duce

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Re: Relationship with an Assyrian
« Reply #20 on: June 14, 2010, 08:43:03 PM »
Woah! thanks for the replies people. Thanks for your answers because they help a lot.

One thing for sure is i can relate the customs and ides to my grandparents. Italians were not so different back then. Anyway, just to clarify, I don't see this girl as a mere 'girlfriend' and feel there is potential for more. Her family wants the mashmeta and they constantly reassured me this is not an engagement. If it's purely that, I am very happy to carry on with it. I want time to make such a big leap into engagement. My girlfriend is very happy with it and said she can wait for years if needed, I hope the family will feel the same.

Again thanks.

Offline mrzurnaci

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Re: Relationship with an Assyrian
« Reply #21 on: June 14, 2010, 10:04:31 PM »
Woah! thanks for the replies people. Thanks for your answers because they help a lot.

One thing for sure is i can relate the customs and ides to my grandparents. Italians were not so different back then. Anyway, just to clarify, I don't see this girl as a mere 'girlfriend' and feel there is potential for more. Her family wants the mashmeta and they constantly reassured me this is not an engagement. If it's purely that, I am very happy to carry on with it. I want time to make such a big leap into engagement. My girlfriend is very happy with it and said she can wait for years if needed, I hope the family will feel the same.

Again thanks.
no prob, IF you have kids, have them learn Assyrian from their mom, you don't have to it's just that the Assyrian language is on the endangered list as we only have 200,000+ native speakers
« Last Edit: June 14, 2010, 10:07:41 PM by mrzurnaci »

Offline the_dave

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Re: Relationship with an Assyrian
« Reply #22 on: June 15, 2010, 04:55:17 AM »
THANK YOU!
and don't forget, arranged marriages have been around BEFORE Islam, and don't forget that Muslims are very influential to Assyrians as they hold higher political power than us, but that will soon change >=D
To be honest I like some arranged marriages, we just have to remember that there is a difference between arranged marriages and forced marriages(muslim like). Much of our people got married with arranged marriages and it is very good, since most of those couple who got arrange are people that are known to both families they are getting married to, its a safe marriage. If both parents of the couples are happy then the couple will have less future problems, it is the same when it is a arranged marriage where you marry someone that is very well known to the family, it feels safe, you have some kind of trust from before…

However the couples can be arranged or “recommended” as It actually is, by their parents, but the couple should always have the option to say no or to wait and get to know the person better. Also I guy who has been a slut in his country and then tells his parents that he wants to marry a girl from the homelands because he can’t find one where he is, he is just pathetic and disgusting…

So yes arranged marriages are sometimes better, and last longer, then marriages that are purely of love… I believe that love will come and go in relationship, and if both sides always want it to work then it can last forever…
« Last Edit: June 15, 2010, 05:04:55 AM by the_dave »
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Offline mrzurnaci

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Re: Relationship with an Assyrian
« Reply #23 on: June 15, 2010, 08:46:59 AM »
To be honest I like some arranged marriages, we just have to remember that there is a difference between arranged marriages and forced marriages(muslim like). Much of our people got married with arranged marriages and it is very good, since most of those couple who got arrange are people that are known to both families they are getting married to, its a safe marriage. If both parents of the couples are happy then the couple will have less future problems, it is the same when it is a arranged marriage where you marry someone that is very well known to the family, it feels safe, you have some kind of trust from before…
Thank you! I hate how these Westies are bashing down the Assyrian style of arranged marriage, when it's in fact their culture and should be embracing it.

Offline Micho

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Re: Relationship with an Assyrian
« Reply #24 on: June 15, 2010, 09:21:44 AM »
Arranged marriages are crazy and should not happen. I don't care if it keeps the people alive. You should be in love and happy when you marry someone.

Offline the_dave

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Re: Relationship with an Assyrian
« Reply #25 on: June 15, 2010, 09:42:27 AM »
Arranged marriages are crazy and should not happen. I don't care if it keeps the people alive. You should be in love and happy when you marry someone.
Arranged marriage is a recommendation from your parents and the other person’s family, they are not forcing you to marry someone, but recommend you to marry someone that they know and like... If you don’t like it say no, I doubt that parents now days will force their kids to marry when they say no or say that they want to study or work, if they do (its not called arranged marriage, its called forced...) that I can agree with you is crazy and should not happen, people that force kids to marry should be stopped...

Besides if my parents know a very nice girl that is smart, has studied, and is good looking for me, and they tell me "we know a girl that is good for you, we would like you to meet her and get to know her, we know her parents very well, its a good family, and she is very good and we thing you 2 would fit togheter" then I would gladly want to meet her and give it a chance, maybe one day I will love her, but I still have the option to say no, if want to do something else before I engage in something like that...

If we do start to like each other once we have gotten to know each other and we decide to get married, then it is a marriage that was "arranged" by our parents but definitely not forced… see the difference?
« Last Edit: June 15, 2010, 09:53:27 AM by the_dave »
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Offline baklawa

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Re: Relationship with an Assyrian
« Reply #26 on: June 15, 2010, 11:47:22 AM »
Thank you! I hate how these Westies are bashing down the Assyrian style of arranged marriage, when it's in fact their culture and should be embracing it.

Westies?  How enlightened of you.  You don't like the west, you know where you can go.

Killing women who do not bleed on their wedding night was also part of our culture.  Let's all embrace that too.

Noosardil is a custom.  Kha b'Nissan is a custom.  Making hareesa and dikhwa is a custom.  Treating women like cattle is not a custom, it's just primitive.
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Offline the_dave

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Re: Relationship with an Assyrian
« Reply #27 on: June 15, 2010, 11:50:49 AM »
Westies[/i
Killing women who do not bleed on their wedding night was also part of our culture.  Let's all embrace that too.

Treating women like cattle is not a custom, it's just primitive.
Thats muslims costoms, and stupid peoples costoms yes... It has nothing to do with us Assyrians since we became christians, all the dumheads that think like that got it from the moshelmane and it is against our religion....
« Last Edit: June 15, 2010, 11:51:17 AM by the_dave »
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Offline litleesoda

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Re: Relationship with an Assyrian
« Reply #28 on: June 15, 2010, 12:39:04 PM »
Arranged marriage is a recommendation from your parents and the other person’s family, they are not forcing you to marry someone, but recommend you to marry someone that they know and like... If you don’t like it say no, I doubt that parents now days will force their kids to marry when they say no or say that they want to study or work, if they do (its not called arranged marriage, its called forced...) that I can agree with you is crazy and should not happen, people that force kids to marry should be stopped...

Besides if my parents know a very nice girl that is smart, has studied, and is good looking for me, and they tell me "we know a girl that is good for you, we would like you to meet her and get to know her, we know her parents very well, its a good family, and she is very good and we thing you 2 would fit togheter" then I would gladly want to meet her and give it a chance, maybe one day I will love her, but I still have the option to say no, if want to do something else before I engage in something like that...

If we do start to like each other once we have gotten to know each other and we decide to get married, then it is a marriage that was "arranged" by our parents but definitely not forced… see the difference?


What you describe is not an arranged marriage, it is nearly a set up.  The parents are merely playing match makers, they aren't arranging the marriage.  People get set up all the time, even by friends.  Its how people meet other people...nothing wrong with that, as you stated.  However it is not called an arranged marriage.  An arranged marriage is when two people are forced to marry each other.  I think you are mixing up the phrases and that is why you think there is nothing wrong with an arranged marriage. 

It seems to me only desperate and scared people accept to take part in arranged marriages these days.  They are either scared to stand up to their parents, scared to be alone, desperate to find someone to accept them, or desperate to escape the middle east. Sure there are people who have made it work, but they kind of have to at that point. 

Nothing wrong in being set up by friends or family, but being forced to marry someone, as baklawa stated, is primitive, and sad at that.

Offline the_dave

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Re: Relationship with an Assyrian
« Reply #29 on: June 15, 2010, 12:53:03 PM »
Actually it’s a definition thing... I see it as arranged when your parents want you to marry someone you didn’t know until they told you to meet the person and told you to get to know him/her and then you guys ended up together because you liked each other and also for the satisfaction of both families to... if the parents fix everything from “match-make you” until the wedding yet still are not forcing you to marry in any ways (telling you to say no if you dont want to) , I see it as an arranged marriage, a successful one since all parties are happy and satisfied…
« Last Edit: June 15, 2010, 12:54:19 PM by the_dave »
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Offline Zawoyo

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Re: Relationship with an Assyrian
« Reply #30 on: June 15, 2010, 12:57:56 PM »
...Nothing wrong in being set up by friends or family, but being forced to marry someone, as baklawa stated, is primitive, and sad at that.

Be honest, how many people are there under the Assyrians (today) who were forced to marry?
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Offline litleesoda

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Re: Relationship with an Assyrian
« Reply #31 on: June 15, 2010, 01:33:56 PM »
Be honest, how many people are there under the Assyrians (today) who were forced to marry?

I don't know how often this is done but I do know of some. The ones I do know of, fall into the categories of scared and desperate, as I mentioned before.  For example, I know of a couple of "losers" who couldn't find someone to accept them in the West so the had their marriages arranged to girls in the Middle East who were desperate to make it out.  I'm sure we all know of such people. 

Offline the_dave

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Re: Relationship with an Assyrian
« Reply #32 on: June 15, 2010, 01:44:53 PM »
I'm sure we all know of such people.  
plenty of them, they usually have been the most discusting people in the west where no one could even think of getting married to them... Its sad that they get girls from the homelands because the poor girls there dont know so much about the guys, this should not be allowed. as my mom always says, a whoore deserves a whoore and thats how it shhould be, have you been bad then you dont deserve a good girl...

But if a girl from our homelands wants to marry this way, it is probably because of citizenship and to get away from there, i have a lot of relatives that have married this way (not been forced) just to come to the west, most of those marragies are failed ones... then again i guess its their own fault, because no one forced them to get married that way...
« Last Edit: June 15, 2010, 01:46:08 PM by the_dave »
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Offline Zawoyo

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Re: Relationship with an Assyrian
« Reply #33 on: June 15, 2010, 02:07:06 PM »
I don't know how often this is done but I do know of some. The ones I do know of, fall into the categories of scared and desperate, as I mentioned before.  For example, I know of a couple of "losers" who couldn't find someone to accept them in the West so the had their marriages arranged to girls in the Middle East who were desperate to make it out.  I'm sure we all know of such people. 

I know no Assyrian who ever was forced to marry somebody.

The fact that You know some shows that there are some of these marriages. And the fact that You know some and me no shows that there are not many of these marriages under Assyrians.
The Rights of Assyrians -UN Declaration
www.youtube.com/watch?v=WhDtB12aA8I

The existence of the Assyrian Nation & Nationality is a fact
http://www.assyrianvoice.net/forum/index.php?topic=36862.0

̈I´m not interested in helping our ppl because I´m nationalistic, I´m interested because our ppl NEED help!

Offline mrzurnaci

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Re: Relationship with an Assyrian
« Reply #34 on: June 15, 2010, 02:53:13 PM »
Westies?  How enlightened of you.  You don't like the west, you know where you can go.

Killing women who do not bleed on their wedding night was also part of our culture.  Let's all embrace that too.

Noosardil is a custom.  Kha b'Nissan is a custom.  Making hareesa and dikhwa is a custom.  Treating women like cattle is not a custom, it's just primitive.
lol you are full of uneducatedness; Assyrians were the first people to have Womens Rights, Women were leaders, inventors, and had women Gods (e.g. Queen Shamiram, Tapputi, an Assyrian inventor, invented perfume and was the worlds first chemist, and Ishtar) Need I say more?

yes Westies because Western society is full of crap and neanderthals
« Last Edit: June 15, 2010, 02:55:45 PM by mrzurnaci »

 

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